Self Improvement

When reinventing your life & business, you have to make lots of choices…  Daaah you might say, I know that.

I am sure what you what to know is how you make those big decisions you have been dreaming,  like, for example moving across the globe,  easier.

I mean wouldn’t be nice to have less doubt in your life?

Making decisions don’t magically get easier as you age and have experience.  It doesn’t happen until you learn to trust yourself.

So what do I mean by learning to trust myself?  And how can I learn to do that?

Ok, I got to tell you a little story.

When learning Spanish, you’re encouraged to make time and speak the language with a native speaker.  It’s called an Intercambio when done a bit formally.  Sometimes the result is… you make a new Spanish friend. I have inquired quite a few, this way.

A couple of years ago a Spanish law student approached me in the metro and asked me if I could make the change for a 10 euro bill; all to see if I would reply in English. Once that was confirmed, she asked if I had time to meet with her for an “Intercambio.”

Sure, I will.

We decided to meet the following week at Starbucks (I know@!#* they are the meeting place here too!). We chatted, and our friendship began. When you share a new language with someone, you start slowly. Where are you from? What’s it like?  What movies have you seen? What was the movie about?

After about the second or third meeting I wanted to know more.   I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to ask my pre-law Spanish student, Julia more personal questions. What was like being a young woman pursuing a career in Spain. She reminded me a lot of the young American women I had met or hired while living in Atlanta.

I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to ask my pre-law Spanish student, Julia more personal questions. I wanted to know what it was like being a young woman pursuing a career in Spain. What was she hoping to do with your life? What was her motivation to be a lawyer?

Julia wanted to live in the United States eventually. I wanted to know where and how she plans to get there. She reminded me a lot of the young American women I had met or hired while living in Atlanta.

As I asked these questions, her hands started moving and her eyes teared up. They reminded her of all the overwhelming choices she had ahead of her.

“How do I know I am making the right decisions?” she asked. Julia was young still living with her parents, just starting to think about her life. She hadn’t had a chance to see what it’s like to make dinner with food bought with her money. To budget for monthly expenses or pay rent.

I remember being her. With my lack of life’s experiences wondering if the choices I made would be irreversible. If making the wrong decision would cause me to miss out on an awesome opportunity that I would regret; even worst, ruin my life. I know dramatic. But real enough to be paralyzing.

Sometimes making the right choices are apparent…so easy then.

Have you ever made a decision and later in your life thought, NOW I would have done it differently?

I have learned a couple of things having lived a bit longer than Julia, so I shared them with her.

First: When choices made with the right intentions, and with all the knowledge that you have at that moment, that is all you can do.  And they typically turn out fine. Don’t be afraid to trying things out, make mistakes, let reflecting on how “things turn out” be lessons.  I still do that even today.

Secondly; Mostly all of our choices are influenced by our emotions. They can help give you clarity or get in the way.  Emotions are not just produced in our thinking brains but also in our bodies. I find my decisions can be affected by, health, caffeine, lack of sleep, relationship, my job, and the list goes on and on. (More in another post.)  Knowing the root of your indecisiveness can help you eliminate blocks in your otherwise transparent decision process.

“What about when you have to make a decision on something you don’t have any experience with or if it’s something new for you? ” she asked

So how do I make Choices and Decisions that I know work for me?

I use what I call Emotions Journaling.  This technic helped me to move my single-self to beautiful Spain where while creating my amazing life, I meet the man I love.  It has been six years, and with much gratitude, I can confirm it is the best thing I’d ever done, (to date :)!)

I started doing this early in my business. I’d started by recording my experiences, noticing my emotions and intuition when I had to make a decision running my interior design studio.  I did it with personnel, with design, in every part of my business. I particularly, focused on when I had doubt and had to give an answer quickly due to a deadline.

Let me give a simple example…  Early in my career, as I designed a project, I would have to imagine the solution in a 3D space.  I would follow my instincts but when in doubt I would write down what I decided with why or how I felt indecisive.  Once the project was installed and finished, I would take my journal and note which decisions work best and which did not.  I  started to grow my confidence in my decisions making using my intuition and how I felt concerning my emotions.

If there was a part of the project I had a doubt with the solution… and I saw I had failed I knew I needed to trust that whatever I could learn from that earlier hesitation.

All to finding out how I make the right choices for me.  This method helped me develop a process in doing business and allow me to SLEEP AT NIGHT, which for a small business owner is always a challenge.

(What I’ve also learned in the process is that there can be many right decisions, and some are better than others.)

This process was so successful for me that I took bigger and bigger challenges.  I started to use Emotions Journaling the same way in my personal decisions.  Especially the big ones.  Transforming my life and moving to Spain took me two years of trying things, learning and to work through my fears and insecurities.

Back to my new friend Julia.  I hope this tool her helped her, I am not sure.

But when I share with her this QUOTE BELOW she seemed to relax a little and brighten.

What if I told you that all the branches of “The Tree Of Your Life” are equally reaching  for the sky, of your future. And each branch represents a choice. Would that free you from
your fear of choicing? – Anonymous

What tricks or things do you do to help you make decisions or choices? I would love to know!