When Jealousy And Envy Can Be Your BFFS.

Jealousy and envy. How could those nasty feelings ever be a friend to me?

Long before I moved to Spain I am ashamed to say I was wrestling with those feelings, quite a bit.

I think we all have felt them at some point whether we want to admit it or not.

I confess back then; there were many times I’d lost myself in those whirling ugly thoughts.
– Oh, she knows someone, and that is why she has that,
– His family has traveled the world so he must have it easy.

All stories to help me rationalize why it was not me or my life.  Then if that wasn’t enough I would beat myself up over having those thoughts.

I would feel guilty and ashamed of myself.

Why I was having those thoughts?  After all, I had an excellent career, clothes, money, cars, health and a great home.

I ran across this blog series by Kate Northrup. LINK . I can’t recall what the series was named.  But it got me thinking…

-What did I lack in my life that I had to envy another?

-What if I embrace those feelings of jealousy and envy?  

First thing I did,
The next time I felt envious or jealous I would take a look, in detail, at what those feelings were focused on. AN OBJECT, LOVE, SEXY, BEAUTY, MONEY and ask myself if I wanted those same things.

What I discovering was that I wanted to be challenged again.  I wanted to see who I was out of the context of what I’d created in my job, my life and where I grew up.

I had CHANGED. So when I heard someone talking about their adventures, especially when it challenged everything they knew and I felt alive and intrigued I knew I wanted it for me.

As Lauren Fritsch puts it, In fact, ENVY is a beautiful road sign.  It can point you in the direction of your dreams.

As a BONUS when I started to analyze my feelings the anger and frustration that went along with the jealousy and envy went away.

How often we don’t know what we want and if we could just analyzing those ugly feeling of jealousy and envy we might get a clue?

Secondly, what I noticed,

Several years before I moved to Spain.  I made some new friends while living in Atlanta.  Two or three times a week we would meet early, drink coffee and walk our dogs.  They told me stories of living in other parts of the world.  One had a job on a private yacht, later serving as a host on a private plane.  They traveling everywhere!

Little did I know, at the time, they were giving me glimpses of that HELL YES…  I want that too BOLD LIVING in my life.

Once I tamed the Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy (as they say), I realized I had two mentors right in front of me.

They became my teachers. I observed their characters, the way they problem solved, the mistakes and successes they had while lived their lives. As I listened to their stories they gave more and more confidence, to pursue the life I wanted.

Seeing someone who has what you want can be a chance to meet your mentor/ teacher.  Just knowing their stories can help you move forward on yours.

My final thought,

Jealousy and envy can be ugly and destructive.  Damaging not only to the people or the objects of your desire BUT to YOURSELF!   If I didn’t take a hard look at why I was feeling those feelings, and apply a bit of self-love and gratitude, I would still be stuck whirling around in the same place.

What I do know is that I would have missed out on knowing two awesome teachers that helped me on my way and to this day who I still have their love and support.

I heard it discussed in a Ted Talk one morning while I was putting on my make-up for work…If we didn’t feel negative emotions, maybe we would not have enough motivation to do anything to change ourselves.

I found this to be true for me.

See what happens when you catch yourself in those feelings.

Maybe there’s something ready to reveal itself to you.

Then take advantage of that insight!

XX Kathy